TomMargoCasey
by wahoo93
Summary: Tom, Margo, and Casey after Casey comes home from prison.


Chapter 1

Margo stands in the partially open doorway to Casey's room. The only light in the room is being shed through the window from a distant streetlight, casting shadows on the walls. She takes a step into the room noting an open window and an empty bed. A bed that Casey rarely sleeps in anymore. Running her finger along the trophies that still line his shelves, she sadly thinks how they are like relics from another time. At the end of the shelf her finger hits something soft. In the dim light she sees, tucked behind a baseball trophy, Casey's old stuffed tiger. She pulls it out and gently wipes the dust off of it. Hugging it to her, she realizes how chilly the room is and goes to shut the window. As she reaches for the window, she changes her mind and climbs outside. She sits just outside on the roof, looking out over the darkened backyard. A cool early spring wind is blowing and she hugs her arms around her knees. She looks down at the little tiger in her hands, wondering what happened to the sweet little boy who used to love it so much and take it everywhere with him. If she concentrates hard enough, she can still see that boy down in the backyard, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it. If she listens hard enough she can hear his laughter in the wind blowing through the tree branches.

"Margo? Margo, where are you?"

She can hear Tom calling her from the hallway.

Taking a deep breath she answers without getting up. "I'm out here."

A second later a confused Tom pokes his head through the window. "What are doing out here, sweetie? It's freezing."

"I was just thinking."

"Couldn't you think somewhere warmer?"

"I like it out here."

Seeing that she isn't going to come inside, Tom shakes his head and then disappears from the window. A moment later he returns with a blanket off of Casey's bed. He sits down next to Margo, putting the blanket around them both. Putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer, he can feel her shivering. "Come on honey, you're cold. Let's go inside," he pleads.

Margo ignores his pleas. Showing Tom the tiger, she says, "I found this shoved behind one of his trophies."

Tom takes the tiger from her hands and examines it. "I'm surprised it's still in one piece. He took this thing everywhere. I remember he even took it in the bathtub with him once."

"Tom what happened to that little boy?" she asks Tom wistfully, taking the stuffed animal back from him and hugging it. "What happened to the kid who used to take this thing everywhere, the kid who used to tell the worst jokes and then laugh hysterically, the kid who followed his big brother everywhere, the kid who won all those baseball trophies?"

Tom has asked himself these questions a thousand times. When Casey first returned home from prison things seemed relatively normal for a few days, but then they started to see signs that Casey had changed. He slept most of the day and was out late every night. He refused to tell them where he went and just said he needed some space after being locked up for six months. He has come home drunk in the wee hours of the morning. Tom has his suspicions that Casey is using more than alcohol, but he hasn't mentioned it to Margo yet. And the anger...frequently his anger would flare over nothing. Tom could remember how he yelled so viciously at Danny just for borrowing a CD. And when he or Margo questioned him about what he was going to do with his life or confronted him on drinking, it always ended with yelling and slamming doors.

"He grew up, honey...and he's made some really bad decisions this past year."

Margo turns to look at Tom, "Yeah, I know he has. But I...I just thought that when he came home from prison things would be better. I thought he had learned his lesson...that he would get his life back on track. But Tom...he's so angry all the time. Whenever he's home, he shuts himself in his room and won't talk to anyone. I...I feel like I don't even know him anymore."

Tom can see Margo's eyes have filled with tears. It pains him to see her so heartbroken over their son. He couldn't even begin to count the number of times she has shed tears over Casey this past year, and especially the past few months.

Tom pulls Margo closer to him. "I thought things would be different too, honey. And it scares me to see the path he's headed down...reminds me of myself at his age." Tom ruefully shakes his head. "And that's not a good thing at all."

Margo lays her head on Tom's shoulder, comforted by his arm around her. She can hardly bring herself to ask the next question. "Tom...do you...do you think he's using drugs? I mean I haven't found any evidence of it here, but the way he acts when he comes home sometimes..."

Tom knows he needs to be honest with his wife, and besides he's pretty sure she already knows the answer. "Yeah, sweetie, I do. I'm fairly certain he is. The signs are all there."

"That's what I thought too. I've just been afraid to say it out loud. I guess that's denial, huh?"

Tom rests his head on top of Margo's. "Sweetie, I think we've both been in denial for a while now. And I think it's time we faced some painful facts. One, our son has changed a great deal in the past year. Two, our son is angry and possibly depressed and is lashing out at everyone who loves him. Three, our son has done absolutely nothing to get his life back on track and is taking advantage of us in the process. Four, our son is likely using. And five, he needs some help that we can't give him."

"So what do we do now? He won't listen to anyone. Oh God, Tom, I'm so afraid he's going to do something and end up hurting himself...or worse. I mean, I can't sleep when he's out at night. Everytime I close my eyes, I see him lying in a ditch somewhere."

Tom bites his lip, thinking this what he put his parents and loved ones through all those years ago. "I'm not sure what to do right now. But I do know that despite the way he's acting, he loves you...he loves us."

Margo lifts her head to look at Tom. "Baby, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, for starters, you'd probably freeze." He kisses the tip of her nose. "Let's go back inside and get warm in our bed."

"You got it."

Chapter 2

Getting dressed the next morning, Tom looks at himself in the mirror. He notes the dark circles under his eyes and shakes his head. He walks back into the bedroom, buttoning his shirt, "Hey, honey? You ready to-"

Tom stops in midsentence when he sees his wife, who is fully dressed and lying on top of the already made bed, sound asleep. He walks over and sits on the bed next to her. He reaches down and smooths her hair, thinking about what a hellish night it had ended up being.

They had both been up all night waiting for Casey to come home. Giving up hope of sleeping hours before, they had been sitting at the kitchen table when they heard a car door slam shut. A minute later Casey was staggering into the house. His eyes were red and he reeked of alcohol.

Casey glanced at his parents, but kept walking toward the stairs. Margo got up, trying to remain calm. "Casey, wait," she pleaded, the anger creeping into her voice. "It's after 4 am. Where've you been? Were you driving?"

Casey stopped for a moment as his mom got up, but continued for the stairs when she started asking questions.

When Casey ignored her, Margo reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.

Feeling his arm being grabbed, Casey snapped. He pushed Margo away with such force that it sent her reeling backward, almost knocking her down. "Just leave me the hell alone!" he screamed at her.

Tom felt his own anger flare when he saw Margo stumble backward and heard Casey yell at her. Before he even realized what he was doing, Tom had leapt up and had shoved Casey against the wall. "Don't you EVER treat your mom like that. I swear, I will throw you out of this house if you ever-"

"Tom stop!" Margo yelled.

Tom suddenly realized he was shaking Casey, who was looking at him with fear in his eyes. In all of Casey's life, Tom didn't think he had ever laid a hand on him out of anger- until now. Tom let go of his son. Casey gave him a look filled with hate before heading to his room. Moments later they heard the familiar sound of his door slamming.

Tom and Margo had stood just staring at eachother. Tom wasn't sure if he was angrier at Casey or himself. Tom looked at his hands and realized they were shaking. "I don't know what happened," he said shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears. "I saw him shove you away and I...I just lost it."

Margo, without saying a word, walked over to Tom and put her arms around him.

"We need help, honey," she said still holding him close to her.

"Yeah, we do," was all Tom could manage to say his voice barely above a whisper.

Now watching Margo sleep, Tom hates the thought of waking her. He can see a vulnerabilty on her face that isn't usually there when she's awake. He knows Casey's recent behavior has been tearing them both apart. Thinking again how Casey had treated her earlier, scares him. The Casey who came home at 4 am was a stranger to him. And it scares him even more to think how he had completely lost control with his son. Tom knows he has been feeling angry pretty frequently, but Casey's behavior this morning had sparked a rage in him like pouring gasoline on an already smoldering fire.

Sighing deeply, Tom checks his watch. He leans down to kiss Margo's cheek. "Sweetie, wake up. We gotta get going now."

Margo mumbles something and turns over. She is vaguely aware of Tom's voice, but just wants to sleep. If she stays asleep then the pain of losing her son isn't so sharp.

Tom leans down and kisses her other cheek while rubbing her back. "Come on, honey. I'm sorry, but we really have to go."

Hearing Tom's voice a little louder now, she opens her eyes and slowly sits up, "Ok, I'm up." she mumbles.

Tom starts to gently pull her to her feet.

"Tom?" Margo says quietly.

Tom stops for a moment and sits beside her on the bed again.

"I just want our family back."

"I know, baby. So do I."

"Do you think they can help us?"

Tom stands up and pulls Margo to her feet again. He takes her hand as they head out the bedroom door. "If they can't, I don't know who can."

Chapter 3 (Casey)

While his parents are gone, Casey wakes up in a cold sweat. His head is pounding and he feels sick to his stomach. As he looks around at the four walls of his room, he can feel the familiar sensation of panic creeping up on him. His heart starts to race, and he feels like he can't breathe. It seems like all the air has been sucked out of the room, and his walls are closing in around him. He jumps out of bed and climbs out his bedroom window, which he has gotten in the habit of leaving open, and onto the roof. As he sits on the roof, he tries to will his heart to stop beating so fast and his breathing to slow. Holding his head in his hands, he wonders again what's wrong with him.

He started having these horrible anxious feelings in prison. Feeling like a caged animal at times, with no control in his life, his heart would feel as if it were going to beat right out of his chest. He would feel like he was suffocating in the small cell. He thought it would be better once he got home. And it was better for a week or two. But then it started again- the panic, the cold sweat, the racing heart. Sometimes he feels like he's going crazy or actually going to die.

When he first returned home, his old friends came by to see him. No one ever stayed long, and Casey quickly realized he had nothing in common with them anymore. They had all moved on with their lives while he sat in jail. He knew this would happen, but on some level he thought he could just jump right back into his old life- the life he had before the gambling took over. He knows now that he was stupid to think that. He'll never be the same. Even though he tells himself it doesn't bother him, it hurts. It hurts to know the friends he was once so close to, have moved on without him.

There have been times too when he feels like he can't get out of bed, like he can't even move. There is a veil of despair and hopelessness, like a heavy blanket, that he can't seem to get out from under. He feels like such a loser then and wonders what's the point of trying. He knows he has let his family down again. Sometimes this pains him immensely and other times, usually after he's been drinking or using, he just doesn't care. Lately he's started to think that everyone would be better off without him.

And sometimes he just feels so angry. He doesn't even know why, but there is an inexplicable rage that washes over him like a tidal wave. It's an anger that seems to spring from deep inside him, and it takes over his very being. Often when the anger overcomes him, he has no recolletion of the things he does or says. He has gotten into several fights that he doesn't even remember.

When he first got home, he really tried to push these feelings away. Once, about two weeks after he got home, he went to a job interview, the only one he's gone to. When he pulled his car into the parking lot of the building, his heart was beating so hard he could hear it in his head. The feeling of suffocating came over him again and this scared him even more. He couldn't go through with it. Instead he turned the car around and went to Matt's.

Matt got out of prison just before Casey. He's a few years older than Casey and had taught him the ropes in prison. Before leaving, he had given Casey his address and told him to look him up if he ever needed anything. After he told Matt what happened at the job interview, Matt had given Casey some pills to "relax" him. Then they had spent the rest of the night drinking together. Casey really liked the way the pills and the alcohol made him feel. He didn't feel like he was going to jump out of his skin all the time when he was loaded. He just felt kind of numb. All the pain and all the confusion would disappear for a little while.

Before he knew it, Casey was hanging out with Matt every night and sometimes during the day. Eventually he started asking Casey for money to help pay for the alcohol and the drugs. Casey, being completely broke, started selling anything of value he could get his hands on. He sold some valuable baseball cards he'd had forever and even his laptop. When the money from that ran out, he moved on to his family's things. Stuff he was sure they wouldn't miss and convinced himself they didn't really need. He took some of his mom's old jewelry that she never wore anymore and some cash Danny had stashed in the back of one of his drawers.

Sitting on the roof, Casey's heart finally starts to slow a little, and he thinks how that cash is going to run out soon too. He pulls his next to last pill out of his pocket and pops it in his mouth. Everyday, he tells himself he's going to stop. He tells himself just one more and that's it. He tells himself he'll let his parents help him. But he always ends up at Matt's. The alternative is too painful. It's just so much easier to get wasted- to escape reality and bury the pain.

This morning, when he came home, was the worst. The high he had been had worn off hours before, leaving him irritable and depressed. When he saw his parents waiting for him, his anger flared. He doesn't even remember what happened before he pushed his mom- only feeling that uncontrollable rage. Casey can't believe now that he actually laid a hand on his mother. His mother who has always loved him unconditionally and just wants to help him. His parents have told him he is like a stranger to them. Sometimes he feels like a stranger to himself. Buried under all the feelings of anger, guilt, despair, and anxiety, he wonders if the Casey they all used to know even exists anymore.

Feeling something wet on his cheek, Casey realizes he is crying. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his great grandpa Chris' watch. His dad had given it back to him the day after he got home from prison. He had told Casey that he was sure Casey was now ready to be the kind of man that his great grandfather would have been proud of. Casey didn't have the heart to tell his dad that he didn't think he would ever be that man. He had just quietly taken back the watch.

As he turns the watch over in his hands now, he thinks about how much cash he might be able to get for it. But he knows he can't sell it. He feels like as long as he can reach into his pocket and feel that watch there, then there may still be a chance for him- some hope that things will get better. Even when he is at his most desperate, he knows that selling that watch would be like selling what's left of himself.

Chapter 4

Tom, Margo, Nancy, Kim and Bob are assembled around Bob and Kim's kitchen table. Tom and Margo just finished filling them in on their early morning confrontation with Casey. When Tom concludes by telling them how he also lost control, he takes Margo's hand as if for strength. He looks at his dad and grandmother. "I guess this all sounds kinda familiar, huh? Maybe it's payback for what I put you all through when I was Casey's age."

Nancy's heart breaks for her grandson and his wife. "We were awfully worried about you when you were Casey's age. You seemed so out of control. You were so angry, and you hurt alot of people including yourself." She thinks for a moment before continuing. "But you know, dear, we got through it. It was hard but as a family we got through it."

Margo looks at Gram questioningly, "How though? How do we get through this? I mean I feel like my son is this angry stranger living in our house. I know he's suffering, and I don't know how to help him."

Bob puts a hand on Margo's shoulder. "I know this isn't what you two want to hear, but you may not be able to help Casey right now."

"But we're his parents. We have to be able to find a way to make things better for him. I mean we've tried to offer him help. But he either shuts down or gets so angry," Margo says, distressed.

Kim looks at Tom and Margo, thinking how defeated they both look. "Sometimes as a parent, the hardest thing to do is stand back and let your kids pay the consequences of their actions. You can't always make everything better for them."

Tom gets up from the table and goes to look out the nearby window. "What are you saying? That we just stand back and let our son go?"

Gram gets up to put a hand on Tom's shoulder. "What I think Kim is saying, Tom, is that you can't help Casey get better if he doesn't want to help himself. You can offer him all the help in the world, but if he isn't ready to accept it, it won't do much good."

"It was a hard lesson that we learned with Andy," Kim adds.

"I mean, look at what's been going on in your house," Bob adds. "Your son lives there and eats your food, but he isn't going to school and he hasn't even tried to find a job. When he's home he stays in his room and yells at anyone who tries to talk to him. Daniel is afraid of him. He's out all night and comes home drunk or worse. When's the last time you or Margo got a decent night's sleep? He ignores your rules and your efforts to help him. And today things actually got physical."

"But Dad, he's had a gambling addiction, and he's spent six months in prison. He's dealing with alot right now."

"Son, that's all true. But he can't go on behaving like he is. He's destroying himself and everyone around him."

"You know, it's the same thing we used to do for you, Tom," Nancy adds. "We used to try to justify your behavior. You were dealing with alot too, maybe even more than Casey is. But it's no excuse to hurt and walk all over the people who love you."

Tom and Margo look at eachother. They both know that Bob, Kim, and Gram are right.

Tom asks, as Margo gets up and goes to the counter, her back to them, "So what, we just kick him out of the house- cut him off. Tell him he can't come back until he's ready to shape up?"

"I don't think it needs to be so black and white," Kim answers. "I do think you two need to talk and come up with some conditions or rules for Casey to adhere to. And one of those conditions needs to be for him to get some kind of counseling."

Margo turns around. She has tears in her eyes and her voice is shaky. "And if he won't...if he won't agree? What then? We just kick him out? Write him off?"

Tom, seeing how distressed his wife is, goes over to her and tries to put his arm around her.

Margo is too agitated though and pulls away, walking back to the kitchen table.

Tom hangs his head. "I don't think that's exactly what Kim is saying, sweetie. But we just can't keep going on like we've been. It's not good for Casey and it's not good for us or our entire family."

Gram gets up and puts her arm around Tom. "Look, you two need to talk. You need to figure a way to confront Casey and come up with some ground rules for him to abide by. You're not writing him off though. He'll know that you'll always love him, and that when he's ready for help you'll be there for him."

"And if you want us to be there when you talk to him, just say the word," Bob adds.

Margo grasps the back of the chair she is standing behind, summoning her strength. "Ok, Tom and I will go home and talk about it. We'll talk to Casey again. Thanks you guys." Margo hurriedly gets her purse off the counter and starts putting on her coat.

Tom can see Margo is done talking. He knows his wife and can tell she is deeply distraught. He knows she wants to get away before she breaks down. Tom gets his coat and hugs his dad, Kim, and Gram goodbye before following Margo to the car.

Chapter 5

On the drive home they are both quiet, lost in their own thoughts about what Bob, Kim, and Gram have said. Tom glances over at Margo and sees she has her head resting against the window. He is about to turn his gaze back to the road when he notices a single tear slide down her cheek. There is something about that solitary tear that both breaks Tom's heart and fills it with love at the same time. Without a word, he turns the car around and heads out of town, away from their house.

Margo realizes they are no longer headed home. She wants to ask Tom where they are going, but something in her just says to trust him. Besides, she finds she doesn't have the energy to even ask. She suddenly finds herself exhausted and unable to keep her eyes open. As she feels Tom take her hand, she falls into a deep sleep.

Tom continues to hold her hand in his all the way out to Snyder Pond. When they arrive, he is happy to see the area is deserted. The water is perfectly still, like a sheet of glass, except when the occasional breeze stirs up small ripples. The trees are adorned with bright green buds that in a week or two will be leaves. On the other side of the pond, Tom can see the bright yellow of a giant forsythia that has recently bloomed. After surveying the area, he goes around to the trunk and pulls out a couple blankets. Then finding a secluded spot in the tall grass under a weeping willow, he spreads out one of the blankets.

When he returns to the car, he sees Margo is still sound asleep. He unbuckles her seatbelt and softly calls her name. When she still doesn't show any signs of waking, he carefully picks her up and carries her over to the blanket. Laying her gently on her side, he covers her with the other blanket. He then slides underneath the blanket with her. Spooning up next to her and draping his arm over her, he can feel the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest. He is relieved she is finally getting some much needed sleep.

Inhaling deeply, he smells the familiar scent of her hair and closes his eyes. He can hear the buzz of bees on nearby wildflowers and the calls of birds in the tree just overhead. He imagines a nest of birds in the branches above them. A nest filled with helpless newly hatched babies, waiting for their parents to bring them their dinner. Tom finds himself wondering how the mother and father birds know when it's time for their babies to leave the nest. How do they know when their young are ready to take the first of many perilous flights into freedom?

Tom remembers once, when Adam and Casey were little, they had found a nest of baby birds on the ground. It had blown out of a tree in a recent storm. All the birds had drowned, their tiny bodies soaked. Tom had explained to the boys how these things sometimes happened in nature. Then, giving into the boys pleas, they had an impromtu burial ceremony. It hadn't occured to Tom then, but he thinks now, how utterly helpless the mother and father birds must have felt watching their offspring being blown off that branch in the storm.

Tom is so lost in his thoughts about the birds that he doesn't notice Margo stirring, until she starts to sit up.

"Where are we?" she asks, confusion on her face.

"Snyder Pond," Tom reaches out to her, and she lies back down, turning over to face him. She looks at him questioningly.

"I thought we could use a break from everything. And you were sleeping so soundly in the car. I couldn't bear taking you back home yet. I just want a little time away from our problems...just us."

"That sounds like heaven," Margo smiles while running her hand through his hair.

Tom caresses her cheek with back of his hand. He then slowly brushes his lips against hers as he runs his hand down her side.

"And that feels like heaven." She continues to run her hand through his hair.

"Yeah?" Cupping her cheek, Tom strokes her lips with his thumb before kissing her deeply. Pulling away, he asks, "And how does that feel?"

"Unbelievable," is all Margo can manage to say. She looks into his eyes and begins to unbutton his shirt. Slipping his shirt off she kisses him passionately. Rolling on top of him, she removes her shirt as well.

As they continue to kiss, he runs his fingers up and down her back. Feeling her bare skin and her lips on his, he moans softly. It seems to him that they are the only two people in the world right then. Wanting to feel more of her, he quickly removes the rest of her clothes and rolls them over so he is on top of her.

Margo can't remember the last time she has felt this free, like their problems are a distant memory or just a story someone made up. Reaching between their bodies, she undoes Tom's pants and slides them off.

Tom moans again as her hands roam all over his bare skin. "I want to show you how much I love you," he says between breaths.

The emotion in Tom's voice and the feel of his hands all over her body are enough to take her breath away. "I want you, Tom...I want you," she answers before covering his mouth with hers again.

A little while later they are lying on the their backs staring up at the sky through the branches of the willow, both out of breath.

Tom turns his head to look at Margo. "You know, it's amazing. No matter how rotten things are... when we're together like this...everything else just melts away."

As Margo nods silently, Tom notices a tear escape her eye and slide down her cheek. He reaches out to touch her face, but she sits up, hugging the blanket to her.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

Margo shakes her head, her back to him. She had felt the same way when she and Tom were making love, but now all their problems seem to be rushing back to her at full speed. "I don't know. I'm just so tired of feeling this way...I'm so tired of crying...I'm so tired of worrying."

Tom reaches his hand out and lightly traces his finger up and down her spine.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Tom. You're the only thing in my life that makes sense anymore."

"Hey," he soothes as he gently takes her arm and lays her back down. "Where's this coming from? You'll never lose me. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore."

Margo lets Tom pull her close to him. She lays her head on his chest and takes comfort in his arms.

"I know what you mean," Tom answers. "I always knew parenting was hard, but I never imagined it would be this difficult."

"But how? How did it happen Tom? How did it get this hard?"

Tom combs his fingers through Margo's hair. "I wish I knew, honey."

Margo lifts her head to look at Tom. "I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do what Gram and Bob and Kim recommended."

"Sweetie, I think we're at the point where we may not have a choice. We need to tell him again that we love him and will do anything to help him, but we can't just go on the way things are. "

"What if he won't get help?" Margo props herself up on her elbow, to continue looking at him.

"Well we've tried talking to him. We've tried giving him space. Nothing's working and things are just getting worse. When I saw him push you this morning," Tom shakes his head, "it was like the last straw."

"I know...the man who came into our house last night...he wasn't our Casey."

"Margo, the Casey we know hasn't been around in a long time."

Margo fights to hold back her tears, "I just want our son back. I just want him back."

Tom caresses Margo's cheek with the back of his hand. "So do I," he whispers.

Holding Tom's hand to her cheek, Margo forces a smile. "Wow, you brought us all the way out here to escape all our problems for a while. I guess I'm really bringing us down." After a brief pause, she continues, "You know, I figure we still have a little time left before we have to face reality."

Smiling back at his wife, Tom holds the back of her head and brings her closer to tenderly kiss her. "I like the way you think Mrs. Hughes," he says running his finger along her jaw before kissing her again.

Margo moans softly as their kiss grows deeper. Running her fingers along his chest and stomach, she pulls away and slowly drops kisses on his neck and shoulders. Encouraged by Tom's ragged breathing, she ducks under the blanket to drop kisses where her hands had been moments before.

When Tom can't stand it anymore, he holds her head and gently brings her lips back to his. Rolling Margo onto her back, he props himself up in his elbow and tenderly brushes the hair out of her face. He brings his forehead to hers.

Margo looks deep into his eyes. "You'll never know how much I need you, baby."

Tom pulls away and cups her cheek. "I need you too, sweetie. And I'll always, always be here for you."

Margo runs her hand lightly down Tom's chest, before holding the back of his head and bringing his lips to hers again.

Slowly and tenderly, tucked away in the tall grass, they make love again.

Chapter 6

As they pull into their driveway, Margo feels sick to her stomach. After spending the afternoon together making love at Snyder Pond, they knew it was time to face reality. As the sunk sank lower in the sky, they had reluctantly pulled on their clothes. Tom had taken her hand and led her back to their car where they had tried to decide what they would tell Casey that evening. As he turns off the car, Tom looks over at Margo and can see she is shaking. He reaches out to her and pulls her to him. They sit holding eachother, without saying a word, each gathering strength from the other.

When they enter the house, they are surprised to see Casey sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. Margo notes how tired and pale he looks. His clothes are all wrinkled and his hair is a mess. She has to bite her tongue in order not to say anything about his apprearance.

As his parents sit down at the table with him, Casey studies his bowl of cereal.

"Case, we need to talk with you," Tom starts.

Casey looks up at his parents and sees concern and worry on their faces. A wave of shame and regret comes over him. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I pushed you...I just get so mad sometimes. I'm so sorry."

"I know, baby. We know you've been having a lot of trouble since you've been home. We want to help you Casey, but this is too big for us to handle alone anymore."

"We love you," Tom adds, "but we just can't keep going on like we've been."

"I know, I promise I'll get it together." Casey says.

"Case, we've heard that promise from you before, and nothing has changed. If anything, things are worse," Tom responds.

Casey starts to protest but Margo stops him, "Look Casey, your dad and I are really worried about you. We know you're out drinking and doing God knows what else every night. You haven't enrolled in school or even looked for a job. The problems you're having...we think they're bigger than anything we can help you with alone."

"What we're saying is, some things have to change around here. We're not just gonna sit by and watch you destroy your life," Tom adds.

Casey tells himself to be calm, that his parents love him and just want to help. But he can feel his defenses rising. "So what do you want me to do?" he says as evenly as he can.

Margo takes a deep breath. "We want you to get professional help...counseling...to help you deal with all the feelings you've been coping with since returning home and to deal with your alcohol and drug abuse."

As much as he tries to push it down, Casey can feel the rage surfacing, like a monster rearing its ugly head. "So I've been out drinking a few times...big deal. And you know it's not that easy to find a job when you just got out of prison," he says irritably.

Detecting the shift in Casey's tone, Tom and Margo glance at eachother. Tom says calmly, "Casey, you're out drinking and probably using every night. We see you come home messed up almost every morning. And when you're home you shut yourself in your room and won't talk to anyone-"

"Maybe I don't want to talk to anyone, because all they want to do is remind me how I've screwed up- like you and mom are doing right now!"

"Case, your mom and I just want to help you. We can't just stand by and let you keep behaving like this. Our family can't continue like this...something has to change."

Casey jumps up from the table, the rage almost blinding. "You know what? If you want to help me...just leave me alone!" he yells. "And you're right, something does need to change. I'm getting the hell outa here. I don't need your concern. And I don't need you! I've got new friends who can help me... friends who understand what it's like to be such a screw up!"

Tom gets up and stands in front of his son. "Casey no one is saying you're a screw up. You just seem like a stranger to us sometimes. We hate seeing you so miserable. We love you no matter what, but we just want our son back- the one who was happy."

"Guess what, Dad?" Casey yells, pushing past him. "That son is gone. And so am I!" Casey storms out the door slamming it behind him.

The only other sound is his car starting and the tires screeching as he races out of the driveway.

Tom and Margo stand in silence a few seconds longer.

"Well that went well," Margo says sarcastically with a small laugh that turns into a sob.

Tom silently puts his arms around her and pulls her to him. "Maybe we should have had Dad and Gram and Kim come over to help," he says holding her tightly.

Margo shakes her head tearfully. "No, I don't think it would've made any difference. He hates us Tom...he thinks we hate him."

"No, no he doesn't, honey. He's just angry and confused. I remember feeling the same way at his age." He pulls away and takes Margo's hand to lead her to sit on the couch.

"I wish I'd known you then," she says as she sits down by Tom, laying her head on his shoulder.

Tom gives her shoulder a squeeze and pulls her close. "Believe me, no you don't sweetie. I was a mess. I was confused, angry, depressed, and so ashamed. The only thing that made me feel better was the drugs. It just numbed it all. When I was high I didn't care anymore. I didn't care that I wasn't what my family expected me to be. That I had let them down...that I had let myself down. But when the high wore off, all the anger and depression came rushing back. All I cared about was scoring more so I wouldn't have to feel for a while. I hurt so many people. It kills me to see my son doing the same thing." Tom shakes his head tearfully as he finishes.

Margo pulls back to look Tom in the eyes. She caresses his cheek with the back of her hand. "How did you stop? How did you get better?" she whispers.

"My family loved me no matter what, and they never gave up on me. Just like us with Casey. Eventually, when he's ready, we'll be able to reach him."

"Tom, you saw him. You saw how angry he was. What if he doesn't come back? What if we really have lost him this time?"

"I know. And it scares me too, sweetie. I hate feeling so helpless. But I think there is still a part of Casey that wants to get better, that wants to do what's right. The problem is, that part of him needs to be stronger than his desire for the drugs and the alcohol...and right now it's not. And it's not something we can force."

Margo lays her head back on Tom's shoulder, "I couldn't get through all this without you...I couldn't live my life without you, Tom."

Tom lays his head on hers and pulls her close again. "I couldn't live my life without you either, sweetie."

Chapter 7 (Casey)

Sitting on the side of the road with the car running, Casey can see the sky just starting to get lighter in the distance. As he reaches into his pocket to pull out his great granfather's watch, he realizes his hands are shaking. His heart won't stop racing and he has to concentrate on breathing. He feels like he really may die this time.

He thinks back to the fight he had with his parents earlier that night. It occurs to him that he felt like a bystander- a silent observer- once the anger took over. It was as if he were standing on the other side of the room, just watching his parents and this angry version of himself. All the while he was yelling at his parents that he didn't need their help, the Casey who was just watching was silently screaming, "Yes, you do! You do need help! Let them help you!" But the Casey who was yelling, the one who is so angry and in denial, won.

After the fight with his parents, Casey had gone to meet up with Matt at a party. By the time he got there, the rage that had come over him at home had subsided, and it was being replaced with a growing sense of anxiety and despair. As soon as he got to the party he began to drink, trying to wash away the pain. After several drinks, the edge had been taken off his anxiety, but he found himself craving the pills and the relief and numbness they brought. He had taken his last one on the way to the party. When he asked Matt for more, he told Casey he was out. If he wanted more, he needed to come up with some cash.

That's when his anger flared, and the blinding rage took over again. All Casey can remember is begging Matt for just one more pill. Then there were fists flying and yelling. The next thing he knew, Matt was throwing him on the ground outside, calling him a loser and an addict and telling him to just leave.

Now, sitting in his car on the side of the road, Casey is craving those pills more than ever. He feels like he will die if he can't get more soon. Then he wonders if dying would really be such a bad thing. He knows his parents would be heartbroken. But in the end, wouldn't they all just be better off? If he were dead, all the pain and confusion he feels buried under would be gone. He wouldn't have to feel anything ever again. Thinking of this, Casey closes his eyes. When he does, he sees his mother crying at his grave. He knows then that he has hurt her enough and, no matter how much pain he is feeling, he can't do that to her.

Instead, he looks at the watch. If he sold it, he could get some more pills. Then everything would be better for a while. But he knows it would only be for a while, then the hurt would be back, worse than before. He realizes then that he still has no control over his life. The drugs, the quest to get high and be numb, have taken over everything he does- every part of who he is. He wants to take some control back in his life, but doesn't know if he has the strength to do so. And the shame- he is so ashamed and embarrassed that he gets so anxious and that he can't seem to control his anger anymore. Everyday has been a constant struggle for him to regain some control of his feelings. To try to find some semblance of the Casey that used to be- the Casey who was happy and who people liked. And when he can't, the alcohol and the pills have been there to ensure he doesn't care.

With shaking hands, Casey stuffs the watch back in his pocket. Flooring the accelaerator he heads back onto the road. He knows what he needs to do now.

Chapter 8

Margo stands by the bedroom window watching the first signs of dawn on the horizon. She and Tom had been up all night worrying and second guessing themselves. Still looking out the window, she asks Tom who is lying awake on the bed, "Maybe I should put an APB out on him or something?"

Tom looks at his wife, he rubs his face and yawns. "Based on what honey? At this point we just have to hope Casey'll come back on his own."

"That's just it though, Tom. I don't think he's going to this time. I'm so scared thinking about what he might do or what might happen to him."

Tom gets up from the bed and walks over to stand behind Margo. Putting his arms around her waste, he leans his head against the back of hers. "Me too, babe. Me too."

The phone ringing, startles them both. As an image of Casey lying hurt somewhere flashes across her mind, Margo rushes over to the nightstand and picks it up, "Casey?"

It is only Danny on the other end. He is spending the night at a friend's house and doesn't feel well. Margo relays the message to Tom, who quickly dresses and leaves to pick him up.

Shortly after Tom leaves, an uneasy feeling comes over Margo. She can't really put her finger on what it is, but something just feels really wrong. She tries to call Tom on his cell, and quickly realizes that he left it on his nightstand. Going downstairs, she tries to watch TV, but she is too restless. Instead she paces the family room for a while, telling herself she is being ridiculous to get so worked up over nothing.

She picks up a picture of the family off an end table. It's only a couple years old, but already it seems like a lifetime ago. As she puts it down, a knock at the kitchen door makes her jump. Rushing over to open the door, the uneasy feeling she's had washes over her again, stronger than ever. When she opens the door to see Jack standing there, she suddenly knows what it is that she's been feeling- fear. One look at Jack's face and she knows something is terribly wrong. She backs away from the door to let Jack in. She tries to speak but isn't able.

"Margo, I wanted to tell you in person-"

"What? What's wrong?" Margo asks, barely finding her voice.

"Tom was just in an accident. A car ran a red light not far from here and hit the driver's side of his car. He's on his way to Memorial now."

"Danny?" Margo whispers.

"Danny wasn't with him. He was alone."

Margo lets out a breath that she doesn't even realize she's been holding. "Tom's ok though, right? He's ok?"

Jack shakes his head, "It's not too good, Margo. All I know is he was unconscious and there could be internal injuries."

Grasping the counter, Margo shakes her head. "No. No Tom's gonna be fine, Jack," she says trying to convince herself.

Jack moves closer to Margo, not sure what to say.

Margo shakes her head as if to clear it. "I've gotta get to Memorial. I've gotta get to Tom," she says grabbing her keys off the table and running toward the door.

"Margo wait," Jacks says grabbing her arm.

"What? I've gotta go, Jack. What is it?"

"Margo, I don't know how to tell you this..."

"Jack, I don't have time for this. What?"

"The driver of the other car...the driver was Casey.

Margo just stares at Jack with a horrified look on her face.

"They've taken him to the hospital. He was unconscious too. I don't know the extent of his injuries either."

Margo feels as if the room is spinning around her. It takes her a few seconds to comprehend what Jack has just told her. She shakes her head, unable to speak.

"It was a DUI, Margo."

"I...I hear what you're saying, but I just can't...I can't...I just gotta get to them right now."

"Let's go. I'm driving you."

Margo runs into the ER to see John by the busy nurses' desk. "Where are they? Are they ok? I need to see them? Where are they?" she asks franticly.

John hurries over to his daughter and, holding her arms, backs her away from all the commotion.

Margo looks pleadingly at John. "Just tell me, John!" She begs tearfully.

John tries to sit Margo down in a chair, but she refuses, shaking her head at him.

"Look Margo, they were both brought in here in critical condition. Tom's already been taken to surgery. He has some internal injuries and he hasn't regained consciousness."

Margo sinks to the chair as she feels her knees give out. "Casey?" she whispers.

Sitting down beside her, John continues quietly, "Casey has regained consciousness but only for brief periods. He's not in good shape either. They'll be taking him to surgery shortly as well."

"Does he...does he know?"

"He knows he hit Tom's car...but that's all. Margo, we already do know that his blood tested positive for high levels of alcohol, and there were also traces of oxycodone present."

John can see Margo is shaking like a leaf. He tries to take her in his arms, but she stands back up.

"I need to see Casey, John. I need to see him!"

John takes Margo's arm and leads her to an exam room. He's in here. You can only see him for a few minutes though."

John opens the door for Margo. "I'm going to go call the rest of the family."

Margo doesn't even hear him as she rushes to her son's side. Holding his hand, her tears are flowing freely now. "Casey, baby, we love you so much. It's gonna to be ok."

Margo is surprised when he slowly opens his eyes.

"Mom," Casey whispers. "I'm so sorry. I...I didn't mean to hurt dad. I swear I didn't mean to. Is he ok?"

Margo looks at her son, who is fighting for his life, and forces a small smile, "Yeah, Case. He's going to be fine. You just worry about getting yourself better. We're going to get through this."

"Mom...I love you guys...I was coming...Mom...the watch...needed help."

Margo smoothes Casey's hair trying to figure out what he is saying. "Shhhh, baby. It's ok. We love you too."

"Mom...the watch...coming home," is all Casey says before losing consciousness again.

Chapter 9

Hours later the family is gathered in the waiting room desperate for news.

Margo has gone from sitting to pacing to sitting again. From where she sits now, she can see Lisa, Kim, Katie and Gram holding hands on the other side of the room. They had each tried to comfort her, but she was too agitated to let them. It is easier for her to retreat to a corner alone and try to block out all her feelings. Part of her feels that letting them comfort her right now, is like admitting that Tom and Casey won't pull through. Despite being in a room filled with family, she has never felt so alone.

Margo holds her head in her hands. Part of her just feels numb. She can't really believe what's happened. The hell she thought she and Tom were living through with Casey before is nothing compared to this. She feels like she should have done something to prevent all this. If she had just delayed Tom a few seconds in leaving...or if she and Tom hadn't confronted Casey earlier...or if she'd just been a better mom, none of this would have happened. Her husband and her son wouldn't be fighting for their lives right now.

Feeling someone sit beside her, Margo takes her head out of her hands and sees Bob has joined her.

"Hey, kid," he says handing her a medium-sized tan envelope. "These were found on Tom and on Casey. I thought you might want to hold onto them...that is until you can give them back."

Margo takes the envelope. With shaky hands she manages to open it and reach inside. She first pulls out Tom's watch and wedding ring. Someone had slid the ring onto the watch band and then fastened the band. She automatically thinks how Tom always does this before he takes a shower. She can't stop herself from wondering if she'll ever see him do this simple act again. Bringing the ring to her lips, she fights fresh tears.

"You'll be able to put that ring back where it goes soon," Bob says, putting a hand on her knee.

All Margo can do is nod her head. Tears she can no longer fight are now flowing freely down her cheeks. They blur her vision as she pulls out the last of the contents. She immediately sees it is Chris Hughes' watch that had been given to Casey. Margo remembers him taking it off the day he went to prison and then Tom returning it to him after he got home. She knows how much Casey loves this watch and realizes he hasn't been wearing it lately.

Bob looks at the watch Margo is holding, recognizing it right away. "It was found in the pocket of his jeans."

Margo remembers an incoherent Casey saying something to her about the watch when she saw him earlier. She also remembers him saying something about needing help and home. She suddenly feels certain that he was trying to tell her he was coming home for help when he had the accident.

She turns to Bob, "He was coming home when he hit Tom. He was coming back to us. I know it."

As Bob starts to ask her how she knows, he sees John come into the waiting room. John had been hanging out near the OR, trying to get some news. Margo quickly puts the watches and ring in her pocket and goes to her father. "What is it, John?" she asks, trembling.

Taking Margo's hands in his, he shakes his head. "They're both still in surgery. I'm afraid it's going to be a while." John pauses, not sure if he should tell Margo the rest.

"John, what is it. I can tell you're holding something back. What is it?" she asks, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Casey has gone into cardiac arrest twice, but they were able to stabilize him."

Margo had told herself she wasn't going to break down in front of everyone...that as long as she was strong, Tom and Casey would be ok. But hearing the words "cardiac arrest" bring back a rush of terrifying memories. A picture of an unconscious Tom lying on their family room floor goes through her head. She remembers trying desperately to find a pulse and to hold back the wave of panic that threatened to crash over her. The thought of Casey, her baby boy, lying like that is too much to bear. She can feel her resolve starting to crumble.

She is aware of hands reaching out to her, trying to comfort her. Breaking from John's grasp, she rushes out of the room and into a deserted hallway where she tells herself she won't break down. She'll be strong for Tom and Casey. Sliding down the wall, she hugs her knees to her chest, hiding her face in her knees. She tries not to let the sobs that threaten take over.

Feeling someone sit by her on the floor, she is about to tell them to please go away when she hears a familiar voice she hasn't heard in a while

"Hey Sis. You know when we were kids, no matter how bad things got at home, you were always so brave. You never wanted to let anyone see you cry. It's ok though, it's just you and me, go ahead and cry. I know how scared you are." Craig tentatively puts an arm around his sister. He remembers when they were kids how his father, Bart, the man who Margo thought was her father at the time, used to frequently berate and belittle Margo. He remembers how she would never give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sometimes though, after Bart had been drinking and his verbal abuse was particulary caustic, Craig would find Margo in her room, much as she is now- sitting on the floor alone and fighting the tears.

Margo starts to resist but doesn't have the energy. She leans into Craig's embrace and lets herself cry.

When Margo doesn't resist, he puts both arms around her. He rocks her as she cries, his heart breaking for his sister. He lays his head on hers and feels her clinging to him. He and Margo have seen eachother during some really rough times, but he can't remember ever seeing her this distraught. Thoughts if losing his son, Bryant, well up and he realizes he is crying too. He remembers how Margo was there for him on that horrible night.

As she holds onto her brother, Margo continues to sob, not sure how she'll ever stop. As mad as she has been at Craig recently, she knows he still loves her and she loves him. And as much as she doesn't want to admit it, he is still one of the people who knows her best. Being only a year apart and growing up so closely during some tough times has created a bond between them that has managed to endure all these years.

Craig isn't sure how long he and Margo have been sitting on the floor holding eachother. When Margo finally pulls away, he sees a vulnerabilty on her face that he hasn't seen in a long time. He knows how much she loves her husband and her children and that right now she is terrified of losing them. And he understands, from losing Bryant, the agony of losing a child. He knows there are no words he can offer at the moment that'll make things better for his sister.

Getting up on his feet, he reaches down and takes Margo's hand, helping her up. Putting his arm around her he leads her back to the waiting room. He understands how physically and emotionally exhausted she must be. When they sit down together he simply takes her hand and holds it securely in his. And together they wait.

Chapter 10 (Casey)

In the operating room, Casey watches himself from above. There are doctors and nurses moving around quickly, looking so serious, but he can't hear what they're saying. He wonders if he is dying down there on the operating table.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder he turns around. He finds himself face to face with an older man, one whose features are oddly familiar.

"Hi, Casey," the man says.

He suddenly realizes who this man is. He's seen him in numerous pictures at his Gram's place. "Great Grandpa Chris?"

"The one and only. It's nice to meet you Casey. I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances."

Casey looks at his great grandfather increduously. "It's nice to meet you too. I...I have your watch."

"I know. I gave it to your dad. He was very special to me. So are you, Casey."

Casey shakes his head. "I've messed up big time though. I don't deserve to have your watch. That's why I don't even wear it anymore. I keep it in my pocket. I've hurt my family so badly. I'm not the man you were or my dad is."

"Oh Casey, you'd be surprised," Chris says putting a hand on Casey's arm. "I've made my share of mistakes. DIfferent than the one's you've made, but mistakes nontheless. And your dad...well let's just say you remind me alot of your dad when he was your age."

"How?"

"Well, you see, your dad was hurting and confused too. And he was so angry. He hurt alot of people with the choices he made. We didn't even recognize him sometimes. Sometimes he was...he was...like...like a-"

"Like a stranger," Casey finishes quietly.

"Yes, like a stranger to us. But we never stopped loving him or trying to help him. And your parents- they love you too. They'll never stop loving you or trying to help you either."

"But I've done some horrible and stupid things. And now my dad could die because of me."

"You know Casey, I think your dad is going to be all right. He's not going to leave his family without a fight."

"I've just let them down so much. I guess I've let you down too. I told you, I'm not the man you were or my dad is."

"No, you're not that man. And you shouldn't be. The man you are is Casey Hughes. And I think he's going to be one hell of a man."

"But how can you say that? I haven't been acting like a man at all."

"No, you haven't lately. But Casey, part of being a man is taking responsibility for your mistakes and admitting when you need help."

"Well those are two things I definitely haven't been doing."

"No, but you can start now. Let the people who love you help you. You can stop running from the pain...stop numbing it with drugs and alcohol- anyone can do that. It takes a strong man to face up to his problems and take responsibility. And I know you're that kind of man. Afterall, if you weren't, you wouldn't still have my watch."

Casey watches as his great grandfather's image fades away. He starts to call out to him, but is distracted by voices of those below him.

"We've got him back."

"That was a close one."

"Let's finish up here."

The next thing Casey is aware of is his mother's voice. It sounds like it is coming from a great distance. He tries to open his eyes, but it seems as if there are heavy weights on them. He feels like he is deep underwater, trying to make his way back to the surface. Everytime, he hears his mother's voice, he feels a little closer, but then it seems the weight of the water is pushing him back down again.

As he struggles to regain consciousness, the events of the accident come rushing back to him. He remembers driving so fast toward home. The only thought on his mind was getting there. His parents and his home had suddenly seemed like the only safe harbor in the tumultuous storm that his life had become. He remembers pressing his foot down hard on the accelerator, fearing that if he allowed the car to slow down, he might change his mind. He was so focused on reaching his destination that he didn't see the red light or the other car entering the intersection until it was too late. He remembers that terrifying fraction of a second when he realized he couldn't stop in time. And then he remembers lying in a hospital bed, and his grandpa John telling him his father was driving the car he had hit.

Casey tries to call for his mom. He feels a cool hand on his forehead and then on his cheek. This time he is able to open his eyes.

"Hey, baby," Margo says soothingly. "You did good. They say you should be good as new after a while."

"Dad?" he asks weakly.

"He's gonna be fine too, Case. You guys were really lucky."

Casey doesn't know what to say. He doesn't feel lucky at all but is relieved his dad is ok.

"Case, do you remember what happened?"

Casey nods his head. "I'm so sorry Mom. Please tell Dad...tell Dad I'm so sorry."

Margo takes her son's hand in hers. "Baby, we love you so much. But YOU can tell your dad how sorry you are," she says gently.

Casey starts to speak but he feels his eyes closing again. The sensation of being under water is back. He takes comfort in his mom holding his hand and falls back into a deep sleep.

Chapter 11

Tom and Margo are lying on the couch, cuddled together in the darkened family room. As the DVD they've been watching ends, Margo can hear Tom's soft snores. Lifting her head off his chest, she sees he has fallen asleep. With a smile, she reaches under his shirt to run her fingers along his chest. She drops soft kisses on his neck until he starts to stir.

"Baby, wake up. Let's go to bed."

"I guess I fell asleep," Tom says yawning.

"It is after 9:00," Margo jokes. "In fact it's going on 11:00."

"Where's Casey?" Tom asks with concern in his voice.

Margo smiles, "He came home already- 9:00 on the dot- and went upstairs."

Tom breathes a sigh of relief. It had been almost three months since the accident, and he still worries when Casey is out at night.

"He's been doing really well, Tom. He hasn't broken his curfew once. He was hanging out with Maddie again tonight. I think she's really good for him."

"Yeah, your right honey. It's just hard not worry after everything that's happened. Did Maddie drive him home?"

"She did. It's been hard on him not having a license right now, but I'm glad the judge took it away."

Tom sighes. "Well, I know that the judge told Casey he would return to prison if he doesn't follow through with treatment, but I really think he wants to continue to get better. I mean, he's back in school part time and doing well. And Kim said he's doing great at the job she gave him at WOAK. I can tell he's doing it for himself, not just to stay out of jail."

"I know," Margo agrees, "but I think we'll always worry."

Tom thinks back to when he woke up in the hospital and Margo told him what had happened. He'd been so worried about Casey, but it was a couple days before he was out of ICU and well enough to see his son, who was also recovering. Tom remembers that first conversation he had with Casey.

Margo had wheeled him into Casey's room and over to his bedside. Giving Tom and Casey each a kiss on the cheek, she had left the room so they could have some time alone. Casey had been looking down at his hands which were shaking. He seemed afraid to look a Tom.

"Case, look at me, please."

Casey slowly looked up at his dad's face, not sure what to expect.

"Casey, I love you." Tom said reaching out to his son.

Casey, was ashamed to find himself crying, unable to speak. There was so much he wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't come. He let his dad hold him and he clung to him like he hadn't since he was five years old.

Tom found his heart breaking for his son. He remembered when he was Casey's age and had hit bottom- realizing how much he had hurt those around him.

Finally Casey pulled away and wiped his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Dad, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was coming home to you guys. I swear I was coming home to get help."

"I know, your mom told me."

"How'd mom know?"

Because when she saw you right after the accident, you said something to her about needing help and the watch. She wasn't sure what you meant. But later they gave her Grandpa Chris' watch that had been in your pocket. She figured out you had probably been on your way home for help. We know how much that watch means to you."

"I thought about selling it, Dad. But I just couldn't. I know it sounds stupid, but I knew no matter how messed up I got, as long as I had that watch, there was still some hope for things to get better. Before I tried to come home, I was just looking at that watch and finally realizing how the drugs and alcohol were controlling my life. And I was just so tired of it."

"It doesn't sound stupid at all, Case. You know, your great grandfather was a very wise man. He had a big heart. He sure helped me, especially when I was your age."

"I saw him, Dad."

"Huh?"

"I saw him. I saw Great Grandpa Chris. It was so weird. I was like up above, watching myself being operated on, and there he was."

"Well, whadda you know?" Tom smiled.

"I told him I wanted to be the kind of man that he was and that you are. He told me it takes a strong man to face his problems and take responsibility for his mistakes. And he said he knew I was going to be that kind of man...if I just let the people who love me help."

"Sounds like good advice to me. Casey, I've been where you are. I know it's not easy. Getting myself clean and my life together was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I can't imagine living my life any other way."

"Do you ever get the cravings? Do you ever want to use anymore?"

"At first I did. But I don't very often anymore. When I do, I just look at what I have with your mom and you kids. There's no way I'm losing all that. I've already learned my lesson."

"I don't want to lose you and mom either. I need your help. I'm going to get my life together."

"Case, you'll never lose your mom and me. We're your parents. We love you no matter what, and we'll be here for you. But as a parent, it's the hardest thing in the world to watch your kid hurt himself and feel like there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. Your mom and I just felt so helpless, Casey. We saw the path you were headed down and we tried to warn you. But you just shut us out."

"It's just that while I was in prison, I started feeling so anxious...sometimes I thought I was losing my mind. And then I would get so depressed and so bored. And I would get really angry too- over nothing. It scared me. It was like I had all these feelings mixed up and swirling around inside me. I thought it would be better when I got home. I mean, I tried to hang out with my old friends again. But I had nothing in common with them anymore. They'd moved on with their lives. And there I was, a total loser-"

"Casey you are NOT a loser."

"Well I sure felt like one. That's when Matt, that guy from prison, hooked me up with the pills. Between the alcohol and the pills I could kinda just numb all that pain. I just didn't care anymore."

"That's what it does Case, I know. It makes the hurt go away for a while, but in the end you can end up losing everything that's really important. I mean, you and I, we could have lost our lives the other morning."

"I know Dad. I know and I would do anything to not have hurt you. I want my life back. I don't want to hurt you and Mom anymore. I want to be someone Danny can look up to."

Tom reached in the pocket of his robe and pulled out Chris' watch. Handing it to Casey he said, "I thought you might want this back."

Casey shook his head, refusing the watch. "I can't take it, Dad. I don't deserve it. Not after everything I've done."

"Casey, it sounds like your great grandfather has alot of faith in you. So do your mom and I. You need to have faith in yourself though. This will be the hardest thing you've ever done, you need to believe that you can do it."

Reaching out, Casey tentatively took the watch back from his dad. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you to Case," Tom smiled at his son, knowing how difficult the next few months would be.

Tom kisses Margo's forehead.

Margo looks at him. "You know, we need to start giving him some space."

"Yeah, you're right. He's come a long way in just a few months. But I know from experience, he still has a long way to go."

"Yeah, he does. But if he's anything like his dad, and I happen to know he is, he'll make it."

Tom holds the back of Margo's head and brings her lips to his. "All right, enough talk about the kid. You know, I'm finding you extremely irresistable right now."

Margo smiles. "You are?" she asks innocently.

"Oh yeah. I am. Incredibly irresistable and incredibly sexy," he says kissing her again.

"Is it the ratty pajamas I'm wearing? Or wait, it must be these old pink slippers that are turning ya on, huh?" She lifts a foot and waves a slipper in the air.

Tom runs a hand through her hair. "Don't you know by now that everything about you turns me on?"

"Wow...and after 25 years, I still have that effect on you?"

"What do you think?" Tom asks kissing her with all the love and passion he feels for her.

When they part, Margo is breathless. "I think that we better go upstairs."

Tom laughs, "Yeah, I wouldn't Casey or Danny to come down and be traumatized."

Tom is surprised when Margo suddenly jumps off the couch. "Last one there's a rotten egg!" she teases over her shoulder as she runs for the stairs.

Tom jumps up and runs after her. "Hey that's not fair. You got a head start!" He catches up to her and tickles her waist from behind."

Margo continues quickly down the darkened hall to their bedroom, "Well tickling is cheating too!" She says quietly so not to wake the boys.

Quickly closing the bedroom door behind him, Tom runs after Margo who is aready almost to the bed. Just before she gets there, she stops and turns around. Tom, who is taken by surprise, runs right into her and they tumble onto the bed laughing. As he lies, where he landed, on top of Margo, he gently takes her hands and pins them over her head.

"So, ya like that new move I just now showed you?" he asks as he brushes his lips across hers.

"I love being married to a professional wrestler," she jokes. "You got any more moves you wanna show me?"

"Oh sweetie, that would take all night," he says letting go of her hands and starting to unbutton her shirt.

"Well it a good thing I happen to have all night," she says leaning up to kiss him. "In fact, I've got the rest of my life," she whispers.

Tom looks into her eyes, "Good, me too," he whispers before kissing her passionately.

Chapter 12 (Casey)

Early the next morning Casey makes the same stop he's made about once a week since being released from the hospital. This morning he is on his way to class and running late, but it's been a hard week, and he really feels the need to stop here.

After getting out off his bike, he walks up a small hill. The sun is shining brightly, and there's already a thick feel to the air. As he reaches the top of the hill, he can hear the sound of a distant lawn mower and an air plane high overhead. Kneeling in the damp grass, he closes his eyes for a few moments, thinking how hard the last few months have been.

Everyday has been like a test for him- a test to see if he can remain sober and clean...a test to see if he can deal with the anxiety and the anger...a test to see if he can be the man his great grandfather seemed so sure he could be. With the help of his parents, and the order of the judge, Casey had gotten help. He'd been going to counseling and NA meetings. The anxiety, the depression, and the rage he used to feel so frequently only occur once in a while now. And when they do, he no longer feels buried underneath them. Instead of turning to the alcohol and the drugs, he talks. He talks to his therapist, to his NA group, and to his parents. He talks alot to his dad, one of the only people who truly understands what he is going through.

Sometimes the cravings still hit him though. At times they're out of the blue. At other times, like last night, they're triggered by something. He'd had a really hard exam in his literature class. Taking it, the old anxiety had threatened to surface, but he pushed it back down. Then on the way home afterward, he saw Matt drive by. Matt had slowed and rolled down his window, inviting Casey to a party. There was a small part of Casey that was tempted to jump in that car and escape back to numbess of his old life. But there was now a much bigger part of him that wanted nothing to do with that old Casey- the one who hurt the people he loved. Casey had just shook his head at Matt and then continued home.

Reaching out he, touches the headstone. "Hey, great grandpa Chris. I just had to come by and tell you, it's been a hard week. But I'm still doing it. I'm doing it without the drugs and the alcohol. I gotta tell you it's so hard sometimes...but for the first time in a long while, I feel good about myself. I really wish you were still alive so you could help me when it gets so hard. But this watch," Casey pats the pocket of his jeans where he keeps it, "this watch reminds me of you, and it's almost like having you with me."

"I've been thinking about something else," he continues. "I've been thinking I might want to be a lawyer like you and Dad." This is the first time Casey has ever voiced these recent thoughts out loud, and it feels good. "In my groups they always say 'one day at a time'. But I thought I might take a pre-law class next semester...just to see how it goes. I haven't even mentioned it to Dad yet."

Standing up, Casey crosses his arms and takes a couple steps backward, taking in the view from where he stood. White headstones are sprinkled all down the hillside. Some are adorned with flowers and wreathes, others are bare. He thinks how each person that has come to rest here, has their own story to tell. How each person, for better or for worse, has affected the lives of others.

He is thankful for his family and their unconditional love. He is thankful for his parent's forgiveness and their support. He is thankful they never gave up on him, even though he gave them every reason to. Casey realizes he is feeling something he hasn't felt in a long time- excitement about his future. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his great grandfather's watch. Placing the watch on his wrist, he touches the headstone one more time. "Thanks Great Grandpa Chris...thanks." Casey turns and walks back down the hill, toward his bike and whatever awaits him that day.

Chapter 13

"Phew. It's definitely summer," Tom says as he comes in from lighting the grill.

Margo looks up from tossing the salad. She notices a bead of sweat roll down Tom's face. "You look like you just had a workout. Maybe we should eat in here."

"I suggested that, but apparently our family enjoys the heat. They're not budging off the back patio."

"Well maybe just you and I can hang out in here then. Think they'd miss us?" Margo asks putting her arms around Tom flirtatiously.

"As nice as that sounds," Tom laughs, "I think they'd get hungry and come looking for us." He kisses Margo on the nose and pulls her closer.

Margo can't resist his lips so close to hers. Running her fingers through his hair, she kisses him lightly."

Tom smiles and backs her against the kitchen counter. "We wouldn't want to start anything we can't finish."

"No we wouldn't want to do that, would we?"

As Tom presses his body against hers, she holds his face in her hands and brings his lips back to hers.

Hearing someone clearing their throat from the door to the back patio, they both jump.

"I didn't mean to interupt anything. But, son, we're getting a little hungry out here." Bob says, his face reddening.

After Bob goes back outside, Tom and Margo break into laughter. "See I told you they'd come looking for us," Tom says.

"I guess we better feed them." Margo laughs handing Tom a plate of raw burgers to put on the grill. "Besides, we better get moving, Case will be home soon."

Tom takes the plate and kisses her one more time. "Raincheck?"

Margo smiles, "Big time."

She watches Tom go back outside to join the family. As the door closes behind him, her mind wanders back to a few months ago when she wasn't sure she would ever see him again. That day he and Casey were in surgery was the longest day of her life. When she was finally able to see Tom again after the surgery, she cried tears of relief.

She had walked into his hospital room to find him hooked up to various monitors. He looked so pale and was lying so still. She rushed over to him and took his hand in hers. When Tom slowly opened his eyes, she couldn't help but let out a sob.

"Oh my God, Tom. I was so worried about you." She cried squeezing his hand.

Tom weakly reached up with his other hand to wipe a tear from Margo's cheek.

Margo took his hand and pressed it against her cheek to hold it there.

"Wh...what happened?" Tom whispered.

"You were in a car accident Tom. You were on your way to get Daniel and a car ran a red light. You've been in surgery most of the day. But you're going to be ok now."

"Thank God...thank God Danny wasn't in the car," Tom said weakly.

Margo nodded, afraid to say anything else that might make Tom ask about Casey.

As if reading her mind, Tom asked, "Casey? Where's Case?"

"Margo held Tom's hands tighter. She knew she needed to be completely honest with him. "Baby, Casey was driving the car that hit you. He's been in surgery too, but he's going to be ok- just like you."

Tom's eyes filled with tears.

"Tom, he was drinking and they found traces of oxycodone in his blood. I think he was on his way home for help when he hit you."

"I need to see him." Tom said trying to sit up.

Margo put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Honey, you can't right now. You have to rest a while first. They told me I could see him in a just a little bit though."

Tom was too tired to argue. "Tell him...tell him I love him," is all he could manage to say before falling back asleep.

Taking a deep breath. Margo smiles, so relieved that it is all in the past, and both Tom and Casey are doing so well now. Grabbing the salad bowl, she heads outside, where she can hear the family laughing and talking.

"Burgers'll be ready in about 10 minutes," Tom announces as she steps outside.

Margo sets the salad on the table and looks around. There are balloons of every color tied about the patio and backyard. Multi-colored streamers are woven around the deck railings. And in the darkening evening, she can see tiny white lights have even been strung through some of the trees. "Wow, the yard looks awesome. Daniel, you and your Aunt Katie outdid yourselves."

"Wait 'til you see the cake Gram made!" Danny yells from where he is playing catch with Craig in the yard.

"You think Casey suspects anything?" Gram asks.

"He's totally clueless!" Danny yells back.

"Hey! Where is everyone?" They hear Casey yell from inside the house.

"We're out here Case. Come on out." Tom calls back."

"Ok, I just got home from class and saw all the cars and-"

Casey stops short when he steps onto the patio. Looking around, he takes in the entire family sitting around and all the decorations. One decoration in particular catches his eye. It is a large banner that has been tacked onto the deck railing. It says 'Happy Birthday Casey'".

"Ah, Mom...Dad? Unless I've totally lost it, that sign is wishing me a 'Happy Birthday'."

"Oh good, the kid can still read," Margo jokes, reaching up to ruffle Casey's hair.

"Mom? You do know my birthday was like 5 months ago- in February?"

"Yeah, we know Case," Tom says. "But your mom and I were thinking-"

"Uh-oh," Casey quips.

"Very funny," Tom laughs and continues, "Like I was saying, your mom and I were thinking that we never celebrated your last birthday because of...well because of the way things were last winter. And we want to celebrate now."

Bob stands and puts his arm around Casey's shoulders. "And there's a lot to celebrate now. You're back in school, doing a great job at WOAK, you've really gotten your life back together. We're all very proud of you."

Casey feels his face turning red. "You guys this is great, but I really don't deserve it. I am really trying and all, but I'll never forget how many people I've hurt," he turns to his parents, "especially you guys, Mom and Dad."

Tom looks at his son, "Don't forget that Case. Don't ever forget how the mistakes you've made have hurt others, that's part of what keeps you from repeating them. But we've forgiven you. And what's most important is that you forgive yourself, so you can keep moving forward with your life. You've got alot to look forward to."'

Margo smiles, her heart filled with love for her husband and her son. "Listen to your dad, Casey. He's a smart man."

Tom can see Casey is a little embarrased at all the attention. "OK, let's eat!" he says.

"Finally!" Danny yells running onto the deck.

Hours later the family has gone home, and Casey and Danny have retreated to the family room to play video games. Tom is lying on a lounge chair on the back patio enjoying the warm summer night. Margo walks out onto the porch to gather the last of the dirty dishes. As she walks by Tom, he grabs her hand and pulls her down onto his lap.

"The dishes can wait. We have a raincheck to make good on."

Wrapping her arms around Tom, she leans her forehead against his and smiles. "Refresh my memory. What exactly was that raincheck for?" she whispers, her lips not even an inch from his.

Tom traces Margo's jaw until his finger comes to rest on her chin. He leans his lips into hers and kisses her tenderly. As their kiss deepens, he runs his hands down her sides to her legs.

As Margo untucks his shirt and starts to reach her hands underneath, she hears someone clearing their throat from the doorway again.

"Seriously, do you guys ever stop?"

Tom and Margo turn to look at Casey, adjusting their clothing.

"Tonight, yeah, we seem to be stopping a lot." Margo quips back.

"Well sorry to interupt the love fest, but I wanted to tell you guys something."

Margo moves to the chair next to Tom, still holding his hand.

"What is it Case?" she asks patting the end of her chair for him to sit down.

Casey takes a seat and looks at his parents, "I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for not giving up on me and believing in me. And thanks for tonight. It felt like old times."

"Yeah, it did, didn't it?" Tom agrees.

"You know when I was little sometimes I thought it was cool that my mom was a cop and my dad was the DA. But sometimes as I got older, it was a real pain in the butt. And I know all the mistakes I've made lately have been even worse for you guys because of your jobs."

"Case it's ok-"

"No, it's not ok, Mom. I know there were alot of people who gave you a hard time. I mean being Chief of Detectives with a son in prison, I know people were talking. I've seen my share of legal action the past year, and I just wanted to tell you guys that I really respect what you do."

Tom smiles, "Thanks Case."

"And I wanted to tell you that I'm going to take some pre-law classes next semester. I know I still have a long way to go, but I think I want to be a lawyer like you Dad."

Tom is surprised at how emotional Casey's announcement makes him. He has to fight for a second to keep his composure. Putting a hand on Casey's shoulder he asks, "Casey, have I ever told you what I said to you the night you were born?"

"Not that I remember."

I said to you, " I'm your dad. And I will be on your side for the rest of your life."

"I remember that." Margo says softly.

"So Casey, it makes me so proud and so happy you want to be a lawyer, but no matter what you want to do, I'm still on your side. Remember that."

"Thanks Dad. I will."

Casey hugs his mom and dad good night and heads back inside.

Climbing back onto Tom's lap, Margo lays her head on his shoulder. They both sit quietly just looking at the stars and listening to the crickets. She feels so content just lying in her husband's arms.

"You know Tom, sometimes it seems like just yesterday that Adam and Casey were little kids playing catch right over there," she says, pointing to the backyard. "And sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago."

Tom runs his fingers through her hair. "Someday, if we're lucky we'll be able to watch our grandkids playing back here."

Margo lifts her head to look at Tom. "I actually like the sound of that. But let's hope that isn't too soon."

Tom laughs and kisses her forehead, "You're not feeling old now, are you?"

"No, because you, Thomas Christopher Hughes, make me feel as young as springtime."

"Well I'm glad. But there's no one I rather grow old with than you, sweetie."

Margo lays her head on Tom's chest and wraps her arms around his waist. She is quiet for a few seconds just listening to his heart beating beneath her. "Yeah, I plan to spend the rest of our long, long lives together."

"It's a date then," Tom says as he holds her close.

And as they lie under a dark July sky, they know that no matter what the future has in store for them and their family, they will face it together.


End file.
